farted in her blue graduation gown and pulled at her panties to let the putrid
fuckin' potato chips! She thought.
And the high school
principal, grinning broadly, introduced Valerie Grumwald, the valedictorian
of the graduating
class. She was a tall, coin-eyed blond with a pout budding on her lips.
In tight skirts,
which she loved to wear, her snug behind jiggled as she walked.
Now a long gown covered her
body, but not her slender toes which were squeezed into prim white
pumps. She came to the
microphone, her steps licking between the walls of the auditorium and the
Look at that bitch!
Linda thought as the gas seeped through her collar.
Grumwald cleared her
She talked about life
and about challenge and the rewards surely to come to those who worked
hard. The bright future
waited. You had just to be brave and walk up to it.
She blended in morals,
patriotism, the comforting arm of the law.
Life was good with
the right rules.
As she talked, her
wide green eyes positively shined.
A smile, pure and fresh
as a spider's silken thread, wafted her words over the audience of parents,
aunts and uncles,
friends, and ushers.
Occasionally the baby
of someone who could not afford a sitter wailed, then ended in a choking fit
which sounded like
Linda was irritated
by Valerie's voice.
The things she
said made no real sense. They were just in books, in newspapers that made money
in magazines with pictures of vast vaginas.
So she had a
She had never
never done it before, but now she tried.
She tensed ,
her eyes narrowed into barbed slits.
She pushed down
stomach, forcing to get all the gas in her to release in one fantastic ball of
That would expose
the principal, the parents, everyone, even Valery Grumwald herself, to what
was really falling
out of that virgin-brained mouth.
"He, yuh in
pain or sumthin'? Wat yuh makin dem fazes fo?" Linda's best girlfriend, Womba,
Womba had a
She had been out
the night in the rain in a white Jaguar convertible her boyfriend, B.B., had stolen.
dawn, they left the Jaguar in a ditch. The convertible was filled with water,
like a bathtub
on wheels. It
was even white.
They laughed and laughed,
One Trojan prophylactic
floated in it like a sickly worm.
had not even missed her. She didn't know anything.
Womba got home at 7 am.
was sprawled on the couch in front of the TV set. She woke up as Womba passed.
bin takin dem erly monin shawers 'gin? Yuh gonna git newmonia, girl. Yuh crazy!
smell! Watsa matter?"
to fart!" Linda grunted.
to . . . "
within a dizzyingly foul expanding atmosphere.
man! Not rite nex to ME!" choked Womba.
attained an exciting point in her speech.
was opened, eagerly wide, when the thunderous pud erupted. But she went on, undaunted.
reached her in the middle of another sentence.
struggled vainly on her lips; she pushed on, beginning to gag.
lips twitched wildly like a twanged rubber band.
her the graduates were choking.
dropped out of sight, fanning herself.
git yuh fo dis!" she gasped.
was proud of herself. It had whizzed out beautifully.
her breath until colored lights popped behind her eyes.
fanned so furiously to blow the fumes away that it floated out the audience.
fifth row her father beaded his red suspicious eyes at her. Her mother blushed
at the odor.
at our Linda," she said, through pressed lips, "She is the only little lady on
, seeking control in the form of a grim smile, walked quickly off the stage.
damning faith, he turned on an old up-right fan. It swept the stage. The graduation
dissipated. He turned it off. Smiling brightly, he reemerged and told a joke.
started to cry. And Valery Grumwald managed to finish her valedictory.
no longer cared.
drifted to a boy three rows in front of her.
followed her gaze over the slope of square caps to his twisted, chalky ears.
out like an albino elephant's.
fuck yuh wit a suppository! Dats all he got," she whispered to Linda, the giggling,
threads vibrating in her open mouth.
calmly gazed at her friend's two rotten front teeth, then raised a middle finger
to her face.
what you're goodie daughter's doing on the stage!" Linda's father elbowed his
but she saw nothing.
teeth snapped forward to bite something no longer there.
I'm listening . . "
extended his entire left arm to present
recipient of the chemistry scholarship to the University of Michigan, Fred Johnson!"
drowsy, bloodshot eyes rushed to the lanky, strong-jawed boy crossing the stage,
hair serene like a cloud on his head.
the diploma out of the principal's hand, and strode back to his place with the
of the athlete he was.
followed him as he dissolved piece by piece behind the sharp edges of the mortar
he was finally chewed out of sight, her eyes remained glued to the spot where
the last piece
had vanished. She moaned over the sea of caps and tassels.
too beautiful for you, dreamer!" Linda teased.
started. Her eyes blinked awake at Linda who repeated what she had said.
looked away. She knew it was true. He was too beautiful. And she was helpless.
balls of her eyes glistened. What could she do? It made her tearfully mad.
Linda had testicles so she could kick them.
maybe, would show her pain. Blood-red stars would blind her. That would show her.
be beautiful! Ah am," Womba asserted, hissing.
how you gonna do that?" Linda made her face ugly, cross-eyed.
see . . .," she muttered, "Ahm gonna grow up yet. . Yuh'll see . ."
their row began to move, and Womba was glad it would soon be over.
Linda knew it the principal's capped teeth were in front of her squeaking out
had the diploma in one hand and her spit-smeared palm was wetting on his.
auditorium lobby Linda's mother embraced her.
Linda twisted away, but then grabbed her, pushing a kiss hard against her lips.
should stop the damn sweet talk she knew was bubbling up.
her mother gasped, smiled cloyingly, thinking the glutinous kiss had been a burst
now holding her at arm's-length, grinned sardonically.
. .!" Her mother began, soaring, cheeks tightening with sweet , expanding bubbles.
expertly noticed it and ran off to meet Womba.
where you going." Her father shouted. "That daughter yours is a slut!"
Tom you don't understand. You don't know what this night means to a sensitive
our Linda. This . . . Is the last night of her girlhood, and she's sharing it
school friends - for the last time," she gazed up at him with dreamy, fluttering
huffed and took her arm toward the parking lot.
and the Malibu Chevelle
was at the bus stop.
you get away from your parents so fast?" Linda asked.
aint here, man," Womba spit gum out and threw in a fresh, perfumed ball.
jaws sliding side to side.
they know it's your graduation night, Womba?" Linda frowned, splitting a pimple
no! Ah didnt tel 'em! Dey tink ah flunked ma xams ah ahm gradjatin nex yer. Man,
know nuthin. Ah dat wey ar remain'ng Ss-mart!" She laughed, vibrating in her tight
dress like a
on the bubble gum.
elbowed her in the ribs, and a pink gob flipped from her mouth.
gonna barf!" She clutched her throat, stooping over the curve.
thread of saliva unraveled down into the gutter.
B.B.? You aint gonna barf. Where's B.B.? C'mon."
to git his car. He'll pik us up here. Yug got da rubbers?"
got them," Linda grinned.
whars yur boyfriend, Preparation H?" Womba said, suspiciously. "YUh aint gonna
yuh know. Heh is mine!"
Linda slapped Womba's high, pudgy buttocks, "what are you talkin', I'm gonna bust
you don't stop that shit!"
chased Womba around the bus stop. Suddenly, she stopped, panting, and began to
watched her, ready for another attack.
moon hung behind her like a bright, orange pie.
you are right . . . I don't want . . .," she panted, "to see him tonight. This
. . tonight got to be
Man, this is it!" She wanted her to understand, ". . Anyway, he's a fart."
cried Womba, jumping up to wave at the car just turning the corner.
! B.B. ! B.B. !" Womba screeched, and the dilapidated, powder-blue Malibu Chevelle
splotched the dented hood. The side chrome was ripped and twisted.
window was a jagged wound of splintered glass. Womba grabbed the loose, rattling
threw the door open, scraping the sidewalk, and bounced inside.
followed, dropping backwards on the seat, shooting up clouds of dust.
the door shut, stuck her legs out the window. She screamed in exuberance
and turned around, "Howdy, B.B. !"
slurped out from between Womba's , and he grinned.